A Suffering Past Relationship
by OtakuTayZay100
Summary: I mainly did this for my cousin because the story touched her heart :D Okay, so basically Nnoitra explains to about how he lost his one and only love Nel. Warning: May include you hating a few characters, tears and sentimentality. If you do none of that, then you have no heart XD Enjoy! The "I" can be the reader :
1. I Didn't Deserve Her

_(A/N: So this was just a random idea that came to mind, and well… Why not? Enjoy!)_

_"I didn't think I loved Neliel _at _first,_ _and neither of us realized just how strong our feelings were for each other._ _It just started out as a normal day, the two of us battling, and all of a sudden Nelliel decided to act all cute and defenseless when I was about to deliver the final blow. I couldn't help but restrain Santa Teresa and look her like she was insane. I asked her why she stopped our battle, and she simply told me: "I don't wanna fight you anymore, Nnoitra-sama". I remember cocking my head to the side, then laughing, and deciding perhaps it was time for a break. Then she'd said, "No, I do not wish to fight you. Period. It's foolish to fight someone who doesn't want to fight you back". Sometimes I always wondered why Neliel would switch_ _from a childish demeanor to her true, mature side. I suddenly got angry with her and lashed out, only to hear her cry out in innocence, hoping I wouldn't really strike her down. There was something about the way she looked into my eyes before I considered hurting her, and I decided not to. She looked back into my eyes with a look of thanks, and she hugged me. That's what kind of turned me on, her bust being, y'know, ginormous, and her body temp warm and all._ _Regardless of my raging hormones and all, I accepted her hug. Then all of a sudden Nelliel pulled away to get a good look at my face and smile, and she placed her fingers on my lips. I didn't realize that I was leaning in to kiss her before she'd done so. Being the little child she was deep down inside_, _she giggled and ran off, but I quickly gave chase. When I'd finally caught up to her, I wrapped my arms around her waist to prevent her from going anywhere. Nelliel giggled as I lifted her up off the ground and held her upside down, still having my arms around her so she wouldn't fall. That way, I wouldn't have to hurt her-physically, anyways. _

_"Later that evening, we went back to the palace and got settled in for the night. I kept_ _thinking to myself as I layed in bed, reflecting on how happy I'd been that afternoon. I'd never been so happy-not that sincere, warm kind, that is. I was about to turn in for the night when my door burst open and Nelliel came in with a running headstart, and she jumped on top of me. I recalled that she might've broken a couple of ribs, couple of bones, but at that very moment being that close to her was all that mattered to me. She smiled down at me and then decided to lay down on top of my body, resting her head on my chest. I chuckled lightly as she twirled a strand of my hair around her finger and absentmindedly swirled her other finger around one little spot on my chest. I gently ran my fingers through her hair as she slowly began to kiss my neck. Being the underground pervert I am, I really believed things were going to get intimate, but Nelliel was just being affectionate. This was-shockingly okay with me, too. All I really desired at that moment's time was to lay with her forever, and never let her go. She scooted up at eye's level to me and just gazed into my grey-purple eyes for what seemed like hours. Then, she finally spoke and asked me, "Do you ever think about the future"? I shrugged and admitted, "I think about my future with you". Nelliel blushed, and I hate to say it now, but I did myself, because neither of us expected me to say that. She just smiled softly and kissed me forehead. "You're sweet", was all she said. And at that very moment, I wished I'd told her just how much I loved her. I never got to..._

_"The next morning, we were to attend a meeting, and Nelliel sat next to Grimmjow. At first, I dismissed it, since they were practically best friends. Then I caught sight of hthe blue-headed fuck whispering in my girl's ear, and she giggled at whatever the hell he'd told her. I clenched my fists and prepared myself to go over there, and even considered shoving them both up Grimmjow's asshole. But then Aizen_ _came in and I thought it wiser not to. He took his seat at the very end of the table, and I quickly sat back down, but the whole time the guy was talking I kept glaring over Grimmjow and Nelliel's way. I prayed to whoever the hell was up in those clouds for Jaegerjaquez to stay the fuck away from her, and for me to keep from losing it in front of everyone._

_"As luck would have it, I walked in on them getting all close and cozy in the hallway, and seeing some other guy-who wasn't me-all up on Nelliel like that... I just snapped._ _I remember how she screamed when I socked Grimmjow across the face and cracked his jawbone mask. I remember her begging me to_ _leave him alone, and I sadly remember me turning around and slapping her._ _After that, I was almost certain she'd never wanna see me again._ _Thankfully I contradicted myself when Nelliel came back to my room that night and_ _pulled me into a bone-crushing embrace. I didn't ask any questions; I wasn't about to lose her again._ _She never spoke a word of the events earlier, because we both knew it wasn't something we weren't ready to dwell on. That didn't stop us from encountering the situation we'd have to be in much later. I knew how lost and rejected Nelliel felt when she told me she practically threw herself at Grimmjow only to be told she was just a sex toy. Hearing those last two words from my beauty's mouth was something I wished she'd take back, but I kept mind that it was that bastard-ass Jaegerjaquez_ _was the one who'd said them. All Nelliel did was confess and cry that whole night, and I felt shitty for not comforting her, especially when I knew that all she wanted was to be treated right for once in her life. Instead, I just sat back and listened, but that's really all she wanted. That's what she'd told me, anyways, that she wasn't ready for anyone to touch her just yet. I respected her decision. Nelliel looked so goddamn fucking cute, just sitting there with her cheeks red and eyes watery and all big and googly and goddammit, I was getting all sentimental again! She giggled at me with that fucking adorable-ass giggle and told me how cute she thought it was whenever I blushed. In spite of myself I blushed even more to the point where I had to slap my hand over my mouth and nose. I couldn't say anything when I was in that kinda mood. Nelliel was just so innocent and sweet; I knew I didn't deserve her..._

_"That night she slept with me-and not like that either, but that was okay. I kept telling myself that things were turning out better for the both of us, but somehow in the back of my mind I thought not. Nelliel was just so positive about every little thing, even when she'd run into Grimmjow she was still kind. When he'd grunted and rolled his eyes-basically ignoring her-I socked him in the motherfucking forehead regardless, then bashed my head against his. He was out cold. Buh bye._

_"The next few weeks ran by smoothly now that the bastard was out of the picture, and I got closer to Nelliel minute by minute. She didn't seem to notice that I got even more sentimental and sappy and melty and sweet and shit, which was kinda a relief to me. I didn't want her to know how much I caught on sooner than I believed. After another meeting Nelliel met me up in my room that evening, and we swapped funny stories and ended the night with some cuddling. That was kinda our daily routine, y'know? I kept finding __myself getting lost in her eyes. I could never really identify what color they were. Sometimes they looked hazel, other times grey... Shit, no clue, but they sure as hell drew me in. Nelliel must've sensed my gazing because she'd finally looked up at me and kissed the eye that was covered. I smiled and pulled her into my arms, listening to her silk laugh as I tickled her and-_

[FLASHBACK MOMENTARILY INTERRUPTED]

Nnoitra broke his story as he got misty-eyed. Oh, God, I really did _not_ want to see _this_ man cry! Because if he cried, there was no doubt I would. Seeing Nnoitra Gilga _sincerely_ cry was like seeing a baby kitten AND puppy cross the street together and get ran over. Both those sights made you want to curl up in a ball and die!

Tesla and I both rushed to his aid and placed our hands on him, telling him that everything would be okay (although it clearly wasn't); that it was done and over with. Nnoitra choked and tried to pull himself together, but he just broke down and kept crying. I really hated a man like him losing a woman like Nel. Whatever drove them apart just wasn't fair. After seeing Nnoitra like this, and hearing how he talked about her, he _REALLY_ didn't deserve to lose Nel...

"If it's too much for you, you don't have to continue the story", I let him know, but he just shook his head, resting it on my shoulder for comfort.

"N-no, it's okay", Nnoitra insisted. "You wanna know, and I'm letting you know. Just ignore my pussy moments".

I couldn't help but laugh at his attempt to keep me cheered up, but seeing those clear tears run down his cheek made me want to. . . Now I don't know anymore. At this point, he was like my son and I was the mother who would always be there for him.

"As I ws saying", Gilga continued, wiping his cheek tear-free and clearing his throat.

[FLASHBACK CONTINUED]

_"Basically, you get the point that I loved Nelliel like nobody else. That whole night we held onto each other, afraid that if we let go, the love we'd built for so long would slip away. She didn't know how much I wanted to kill myself at the thought. She'd never know how I truly felt about her, and I really didn't want her to, because I was just so terrified of heartbreak. Getting hurt was something I could never take easily, and Nelliel knew that more than anyone. I knew she knew I loved her, but she hadn't spoken a word of it. By the time curfew hit, I asked her to stay with me. Nelliel was so sweet about keeping me company and staying awake just for me, even when she was so tired. I think deep down she was hurting, but I didn't know what it was from, and even if I did she wouldn't tell me so. It was about 6:50 A.M. and she was still wide awake, talking to me. I listened and gave my input at the appropriate times. Suddenly she asked me why I'd hidden this side of me for so long, and I honestly answered her with: "I didn't know I was gonna fall in love". Nelliel's face switched three different shades of pink and red in less than three seconds, and I did all I could to keep from laughing at her adorable level increasing. If she wanted to tell me what was on her mind all along, she didn't have to. It was expresed so clear on her face. "How long have you been in love"? She asked nonchalantly after regathering herself. "For as long as I can remember; I just didn't realize it until I opened my eyes and looked into hers". She didn't have to_ _ask me to confess whose eyes were "hers", but in case she did, I added, "And those eyes are the unreadable, beautiful yet unidentified orbs of hazel-grey. Those are your eyes, Nelliel, and they're so beautiful". She teared up at my words and just broke down in my arms. I held her close to me, to my heart, because it's what we both needed. I silently stroked her hair and whispered sweet nothings into her ear until she cried herself to sleep._

_"It was about a month later, and for the rest of that month Nelliel kept her distance from me, and it was something I didn't allow myself to understand. That whole time she stayed away I kept quiet and sad, not allowing anyone else pry into my mind or heart. That was something that only Nelliel could do. On the last day of that month, I came into her room only to find something that stung the back of my mind, even to this very day. Aizen had her on the bed, mouth gagged, wrists and ankles tied to the bed, and he was shamelessly raping her like the animal he really was. I yelled out all kinda of obscenities-half of them I made up-as I hurled my body at the man. He was no longer the man I looked up to as a father, but a monster that had been hiding in the dark, waiting to destroy me from the inside. Aizen had taken that one weakness that just tore me apart: Nelliel. He'd kept her to himself as his own personal sex slave, and hid her from the rest of the world, from me especially. As I blindly ripped at Aizen's throat, I kept wondering: What drove him to do this? Hasn't Nelliel suffered enough already? Why was he doing this, and for whose benefit? Obviously his own, I could answer that last question for myself, but as to why he did it, maybe it was because he didn't get enough love when he was my age [decades ago]. When I'd finally done away with Aizen, I helped Nelliel get out of her predicament and held her for the longest time. I knew she didn't want any man to be touching her anytime soon, but I held her-touched and caressed her-for my own selfish reasons. Sure, it had only been a month that we were apart, but I wasn't ready to lose the one I loved more than my own life. Nelliel kept screaming at me to let go, traumatized and hurt all over again. I just shook my head and kept kissing her face, relieved she was within reach once more. "Nelliel, please don't be like that". She stopped her fits and actually looked at me, which was something I missed, our eyes meeting and really understanding each other. "Nnoitra", she whispered, her voice cracking even at such a quiet level. I felt like crying tears of joy. Good, I thought to myself. She's my baby again..._

_"Every night after that we stayed with each other, embracing while we slept. I really was not prepared to lose her again. "Nelliel", I spoke softly, hoping I didn't wake her. She gazed up at me and I blushed as her breasts gently brushed up against my chest. It's been so long since I thought of her that way. "Nnoitra", she said back. It was just then that it occured to me: We hadn't kissed yet. Did I want to now? Was it something we BOTH desired, or was I just trying to get something out of it? No, I told myself. I was not Sosuke Aizen. Nelliel must've sensed my tension because she stroked my hair and curled her fingers in my ebony mane. She smiled, and I felt reassured again. "We don't have to do anything if you're not ready for it", she told me, as if reading my mind. The thing was, I didn't know if I was ready or not, but all I knew was that I wanted Nelliel to be happy. I told her that and she smiled again. Goddammit, I blushed and got all sentimental. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her forehead and she kissed my neck. She giggled as my fingers crept down to grip her asscheeks, and I couldn't help but pray that my boner was not rubbing against her thigh, or crotch for that matter. Otherwise my inner sex demons would've released. Then again, I'm surprised they hadn't done so long ago. I really wanted to kiss her. Nelliel told me we should wait awhile, just until the right moment came along. Perhaps we weren't even meant to kiss, but only caress and feel up. Maybe I was just being a perv again._

_"One day I came back from training with Ulquiorra, Harribel and Starrk, but when I got home, Nelliel wasn't there. I hollered at the top of my lungs before running out into the deserts of Las Noches. I'd search the whole entire fucking universe to find my baby."_

_TO BE CONTINUED! :DDD_


	2. I'll Save Her (If It's Not Too Late)

_I ran through the halls, looking up and down each dorm to make sure Nelliel wasn't kidnapped and raped again. I shook that image from my head; it wasn't a memory I intended to treasure. When I finally reached her, she was chained up in a cell. I dropped to my knees before her unconcscious, beaten-and-bloodied body. I violently wiped the tears off my face. If Nelliel was to wake up, I didn't want her witnessing me crying._

_"Nelliel," I spoke softly, reaching my hand through the bars and caressing her soft, tear-stained cheek. "I'm so sorry I let this happen to you."_

_All I could do was sit there, and wait until she woke up. Midnight came around and I [sadly] knew I wouldn't be spending the night with my baby. Grimmjow stormed into the chamber, grinning like the bastard he was._

_"Wassup, Gilga," Jaegerjaques said, shoving me aside to unlock Nelliel's cell door._

_"Where are you taking her," I demanded, fists clenched, and ready to sock the fuck out of him._

_"Why don't ya mind yer own damn business," Grimmjow growled, stepping up close to me. "And, believe it or not, Nelliel ain't yer business anymore."_

_With that said, he grabbed the young woman by her bruised wrists and dragged her on the ground behind him._

_"__**Don't hurt her**__!" I found myself screaming._

_"You better just be glad I'm not the one who gets the honor ta kill her off," the blue-haired asshole remarked._

_I felt my teeth clench and grind together, tears blurring my vision. Then I shook my head. Like shit I'd let myself cry when I had a girlfriend to save. Once Grimmjow left the chamber, I maneuvered quickly through the underground passageway (only Aizen was supposed to know of this, but I discovered of it when I was, like, what, five?)._

_I reached the deserted field, my chest heaving from all the running I'd had to do earlier. My head turned from side to side as I examined the dead outdoors, searching for Nelliel. I needed a sign that indicated to me she'd be okay. If she was dead, I'd never forgive myself, I swore to that._

_"__**NELLIEL!" **__My voice was very loud and effective during times like these. It led me to Nelliel, and fast._

_From a distance, I caught sight of Aizen and his company of traitor Espada turn their heads to me. I was stomping up to them all, rage and hatred filling my head and heart. I really wasn't looking forward to resulting in violence (which you'd think I would, knowing me), because that could've easily meant hurting Nelliel in the process._

_"Let the girl go," I growled menacingly, but Aizen only fed me that bullshit grin._

_That one gesture only fueled the fire, and I blindly charged. It all happened so fast, I barely even noticed Lilinette stepping in to stop me. Once she had, I gaped at her, bewildered as to why she'd stopped my rescue mission._

_"Gingerback, what the fuck makes you think you can get in the way?!" I hollered in the green-haired girl's ear, but she only shoved me back._

_"Did you ever stop and consider the possibility of your so-called noble move an endangerment to Nell?!" Lilinette screamed back, brown eyes glowing with frustration and-even worse-fear._

_I glanced over to where they'd held my girlfriend captive, only to see that Szayel was roughly tieing her hands behind her back with rope, along with her ankles. Nelliel was on her knees, her mysterious-colored eyes blindfolded, and a towel wrapped over her mouth. I felt like tearing it all off her, wrapping her into my arms, and kissing her forever. Unfortunately, then wasn't the time for silly notions like that. Me and Lilinette were standing on the sidelines for fuck knows how long, then I ripped into action, ignoring all the little Fraccion had warned me about. Somebody grabbed me from behind and threw me back. I let my back skid against the once-soft sand that now felt rough and bitter. When I regained my footing and was able to stand again, I saw it was the cuarto Espada, Ulquiorra Schiffer, who'd moved me aside so balantly._

_"What the fuck is your damage?! Don't tell me you're working for Aizen still, after all he'd put you through!" I yelled._

_The Nihilist man only kept his eyes downcast and turned away from me. Ulquiorra knew exactly what the shit I was talking about; he just didn't think he'd have time to talk about it..._

_But he did. In fact, they ALL did-it was just a matter of them not wanting to do it. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth again, resuming my focus on Nelliel,__just__ in time to see Stark sonido behind her, and slit her throat open. All time froze after that. I froze. I couldn't feel my heart beating at that moment. I couldn't even lash out at Coyote for the time being. My body grew numb, and my heartrate began to decrease. Looked like I was gonna die with my baby._

_Then, everything went black._

TO BE CONTINUED!


	3. Who She Was Has Never Been A Part Of Me

_I had awoken to find myself in the cell a certain sea-green-haired had previously been in._

_What girl was it that had been in here before?_

_Oh well, it wasn't important at the time, I guess._

_I lifted my head up, hearing the chain around my neck jangle about. I watched as Lilinette and Coyote made their way over to me, but they kept hella distance between each other._

_They were disconnected. That was new..._

_Finally, the little Fraccion dropped to her knees before me (as I was behind the bars). This seemed so new, yet so familiar._

_"Nnoitora," Lilinette sobbed, head bowed. "I'm so sorry."_

_I cocked my head to the side, confused as to why she was apologizing all of a sudden._

_"Well, I'm sure whatever the fuck ya did, it wasn't that big a deal," was my response._

_Gingerback shook her head, short green hair swaying until she finally looked up at me. All of the pain and torment was visible on the young Arrancar's face. I took mental notation on the fact that Coyote hadn't even bothered to comfort his Fraccion._

_"Nelliel is dead," the child cried out, then broke down._

_I squinted my eyes, thinking good, long, and hard. If that name was familiar, I sure as hell didn't remember the girl._

_"Nelliel is dead," I repeated dumbly. "Wait, who the fuck is Nelliel?!"_

_Both of the Arrancar gaped at me in total shock and disbelief, so it seemed._

_I looked back and forth between the two. Did I say something wrong, out of character, maybe?_

_"What the shit's wrong?" I asked, cocking my head again._

_Coyote's eyes widened-for the very first time!-as he looked down to Lilinette, who was just staring at me with her eyes wide and jaw dropped._

_"What?!" I yelled, getting pissed the fuck off now._

_The green-haired, brown-eyed girl backed away, shaking her head some more. Whatever I'd said, she couldn't interpret it correctly (whatever the fuck I'd said). Even Coyote acted like he didn't know me anymore._

_"Will you two little shits just tell me what the fuck's wrong?!" I screamed, gripping the steel bars until my knuckles turned white._

_Lilinette cowered behind her Espada, and he placed a hand on her head as if to protect her from my outrage._

_"You don't remember..." Coyote finally spoke, pupils dilated. "Nelliel.. She..."_

_I shook my head, not able to comprehend who the fuck this Nelliel bitch was._

_"Aizen gave you amnesia, so you can't remember her," he continued. "It must've taken at least five doses for you to completely forget about your own girlfriend."_

_I covered my mouth, but was unable to hold back the abrupt laughter behind my lips, so I just grabbed my abdomen as I doubled over and busted out laughing._

_"What kind of bullfuck was this?! You'd think I'd remember ever having a fucking girlfriend, much less taking part in a relationship!"_

_Coyote and Gingerback's eyes grew downcast again as they just listened to me babble on about the unlikely possibility of me ever having so much as a friend who's a girl (considering every Arrancar created hated my guts). They just turned around and walked away, leaving me to my shameless laugh-fest._

_Once they'd finally left, my laughs soon became raggedy and shaky, up to the point where I had to cover my face. I wasn't in a humorous mood again. After I'd pulled my face up from my palms, I felt a wet substance on my hands. I brought a single finger up to my face and wiped more of the wetness from my cheek. My purple-grey eyes widened as it struck me: I was crying! __**Me, Nnoitora Gilga, crying! **__The realization of this emotion I thought I'd never been able to produce was a slap from reality. A single memory enriched my mind in ways I never knew it could._

_That girl... Nelliel... She really was my girlfriend. I knew her. She really was dead, and I really did love her. I slammed my hands up to face, trying to prevent more tears from falling and hitting the cold floor. But I couldn't escape the fact that Nelliel Tu Odelschwank was permenantly out of my life._


	4. Just A Quick Author's Note

Thanks for your support guys =) I honestly was not planning to finish this story, particularly because I didn't think anyone but my cousin would review ^_^' love you Emae! So I'm glad you guys like it. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I should hope to come up with the next chapter by the end of January. :D


	5. No One Will Ever Replace Her

(A/N: Hey, lovely readers! The only reason why I wasn't planning on finishing this fanfic-after rereading it just now-was because Nelliel is dead -_- but since you guys love it so much, I've made an exception with this story! I know how to make this work, so hang in there with me, please!

And now, I present to you-chapter four!)

_I shook my head angrily, leaned back and slumped against the concrete wall. This had been the most frustrating moment of my entire life! How could I have forgotten her?! How could I have let Aizen brainwash me like that?! The only woman who I'd ever love...she was murdered!_

_I clenched my fists, my expression darkening, for I remembered who was ordered to kill her:Stark. I swore on my life, I'd fucking slit HIS throat for taking Nelliel away from me! I would rip him apart! He wouldn't get to live with her blood on his hands!_

_All of a sudden, the door to the isolated room opened, and the blue sexta stepped in. I growled low in my throat as he walked towards the cell. Jaegerjaquez narrowed his cerulean eyes at me, holding out the keys._

_"Yer gonna treat me that way, even when I'm the one that's gonna get ya outta here?" His voice gave away the taunting mockery, only pushing my frustration to the edge._

_"Why the hell would you free me?" I retorted in a bitter questioning form. "Haven't you fucked me over enough times?"_

_"Not quite", Jaegerjaquez replied with honesty, an amused expression slapped upon his ugly mug. "See, there's a new tres Espada in town now."_

_I shook my head over and over again. That can't be true...nobody can replace Nelliel! Nobody! It didn't matter how hot the girl was or how great of a warrior she'd grow into—there would never be a better female Espada!_

_"Kiss my ass!" I spat at him. Grimmjow rolled his eyes as he turned and began to leave. "That's right, you better get the fuck out of my face! I didn't want you to free me, anyways, you bastard!" He left._

_Once I heard the door close again, I fell apart. My fists throbbed against the cold, steel bars as I hit them repeatedly. The fuck would I care if it hurt or not?! Worse could happen!_

_...The worst had already happened. I wished somebody would've taken my life at that very minute, because if they wouldn't, I sure as hell was about to. Unfortunately, someone else entered the chamber, telling me-in some way-that it was too soon to commit suicide. Maybe that voice in the atmosphere was hinting that whoever just came in could've been able to help me get Nelliel back. I could save her! She would be mine again!_

_The light in there was scarce and dim, so I wasn't able to identify who the hell just came in. Even if they were the answer to my issue, I wasn't about to give away the fact that I'd been on the verge of sanity. Unless they COULD bring my girl back, it was too late to turn from insanity, for it yearned for a taste of my tainted blood._

_Hell, I was ready. Not like things could get any worse; but, I was never the type to contradict myself. I'd been past that point for a while now._

(A/N: Pretty good for a comeback, huh? No, but seriously, lovely reviewers, I want your opinion on this chapter. Do you think I could get deeper with Nnoitora's deprived emotions? Is it good enough already? Yes? No? Maybe so? Let me know! XD thanks, guys!


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